Dealing with irrational emotions
How do you incorporate potential, irrational emotional responses into independent (as in not collaborative) decision making in a relationship? For instance, when that potential emotional response is jealousy?
How do you incorporate potential, irrational emotional responses into independent (as in not collaborative) decision making in a relationship? For instance, when that potential emotional response is jealousy?
If you ever find yourself potentially making a decision based on a negative feeling of any kind, take a deep breath and remember it’s better to do nothing for a moment than do something that could unnecessarily damage the relationship. Wait until the negative feelings subside before taking action.
When it comes to feeling jealous, it’s difficult to say what more to do without knowing the exact cause of the jealousy. It’s important for yourself to know what kind of jealousy you’re experiencing. Is it caused from low self esteem or serious neglect?
If it’s low self esteem – knock it off, you’re adorable and lovable the way you are. And tell your partner how you feel so you don’t trigger their low esteem if they have it too. This is probably the number one cause of most jealousy experienced on the planet. We all do it.
If it’s serious neglect – talk to your partner about it. Maybe they don’t realize what’s going on. Time is usually an issue in this case, of which scheduling more time together helps.
Either way, talk to your partner about it. I’ve been in a relationship for almost 10 years that’s had all kinds of problems, most of which have been solved by talking about it with each other. Most of the time it’s just a misunderstanding of some sort.
I wish I was referring to my emotional reactions where I would have some control, but unfortunately, they belong to my partner. So, how do I handle my partner’s negative emotional reaction to, for instance, a platonic friend crashing at my place? In this particular case, our relationship is bicoastal long-distance and the friend is visiting from out of town. I know there is no attraction between my friend and myself and see no reason not to allow a friend to crash, aside from my partner’s reaction. This is really just an example of the larger issue – How do you incorporate your partner’s potential, irrational emotional responses into independent (as in not collaborative) decision making in a relationship?
When I’ve gone to conventions, I’ve shared bedrooms with male friends. My partner trusts me 100% and has had no problem with this. Not that he’s mentioned anyway, nor did he act in a strange way about it.
If he had of, personally I would have sorted out separate rooms and made some effort to meet half way or tried to take him along. Having said that, if it had been at the beginning of our relationship, or if it were one of my past relationships, I probably would have gone ahead and done it anyway. However, this is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, so I do my best to not hurt him, even if the emotions he is feeling are completely nonsensical to me. We compromise.
Irrational behaviours aren’t always all that irrational. I’d find it quite acceptable for there to be a wee bit of jealousy there even if the friend was of the other sex, purely because it is a long distance relationship and someone else is getting the chance to be close to you. In that example, I’d go for showing some empathy, and telling your partner how much you wish they were there too, so they could see just how awesome a friend you have.